The Dark Side of Sex (Sin and Dysfunction)
[note: not all the above sections exist yet!]
Song of Songs: This biblical narrative has led to a fantastic discussion, both within and outside the Church Universal. Many Catholic and Evangelical scholars have simply refused to acknowledge the frank sexuality of the book, assigning it instead a symbolic meaning. (Many Jewish scholars did the same thing, making it appear we all were embarrassed about this erotic love song's existence!) From the Christian perspective, any serious philosophical discussion on sex, marriage, and/or romance begins either in Genesis 1 or here.
Ruth: Another biblical tale regarding romance, friendship, and love. Just as Song of Songs celebrates sexual and erotic love, so Ruth celebrates both friendship and romantic love founded on purity of heart and character. Ruth is perhaps the most romantic person in the entire Old Testament!
Genesis 1,2: The first chapters of Genesis, carefully read, do away with much of the nonsense later injected into Christianity by Augustine and others regarding sexuality.
Ephesians 5:
Sex manuals: rated in two ways, Information and Romance. Five stars highest rating.
The Joy of Sex (Alex Comfort, 1971). Info: ** / Romance: [no stars]
Here's a classic pop sex manual with line-drawn illustrations, not very romantic but certainly erotic. Why the low info rating? We of course speak from our Christian bias, but Scripture does indicate that misuse of sex will lead to humankind into all sorts of sorrows, ultimately physical and spiritual death (Proverbs 7). Comfort was part of the infamous Sandstone free sex community, and his morality reflects those "sex for sex's sake" values. Marriage is discounted, and Christianity (or any other religious framework) does not appear. It isn't that Comfort's exacting descriptions of various sexual positions and so forth aren't accurate. But if one believes that sex and love are God's creation, Comfort seems like the middle-aged sixties bohemian wannabe he in fact was. The skillful artwork does at times does convey a breath of romantic love, but also includes group sex and other amoral niceties (sigh). Scandalous? Not in this day and age. Boring is more like it. Not recommended.
More Joy (Alex Comfort, 1973). Info: ** / Romance: [no stars]
As with the above, Comfort offers little in the way of romantic love and in fact views it suspiciously. Not that he's entirely off, romantic love can easily be manipulated by the traditionalist white male to preserve woman as subservient to him. But Comfort assaults marriage itself, along with any Christian definitions of love being sacraficial. Instead, he defines love this way:"Love is the mutually satisfying sharing of each other's experience and the experience of each other -- with no built-in time requirement." In other words, marriage is limited by our feelings today, not by vows regarding lifelong commitment.
Intended for Pleasure (Ed Wheat, 1977, revised 1981). Info: *** / Romance: ***
This Christian book hasn't aged well, but still offers an overall accurate guide to couples either married or about to be married. Wheat is a medical doctor, not a sex therapist, and his lack of knowledge in the latter field at times is noticable. Yet if there is any doubt as to why we prefer a Wheat to a Comfort, let this quote from Wheat's book serve:
"...the secular world has become preoccupied with physical technique; much of the Christian world is debating the implications of the biblical order of relationships in Ephesians 5; and seldom does anyone venture into the area between, where the dynamcis of the sexual union in marriage are considered--not physical techniques, not the deep underlying principles, but how two people committed in marriage actually interact in love to approach the 'one flesh' experience."
The Act of Marriage (Tim LaHaye, 1976). Info: ** / Romance: **
This Christian book has the distinction of being perhaps the first evangelical attempt at a sex manual; other than that, it has little to recommend it in light of better evangelical efforts since then. But it still has moments, one being (surprisingly from such a traditionalist when it comes to women in leadership) his passage on the meaning of sex for women. His simplistic breakdown of humankind into four personality types, however, is irritating. Here's a book sample:
"Chuck your inhibitions. Though modesty is an admirable virtue in a woman, it is out of place in the bedroom with her husband. The Bible teaches that Adam and Eve in their unfallen state were 'naked and not ashamed' (Gen. 2:25). Frankly speaking, that means that even in their nakedness they were uninhibited. It may take time for a chaste woman to shake off the inhibitions of her premarriage days and learn to be open with her husband--but it is absolutely essential."
The Gift of Sex (Clifford and Joyce Penner, 1981). Info: **** / Romance: ****
Two bona-fide sex therapists, trained with Masters and Johnson, who are also evangelical Christians. This book, too, is somewhat dated, though the main giveaway there involves the poor illustrations. A powerful bible-based case for sex being primarily created for our pleasure rather than procreation is presented. Additionally, the Penners deal frankly with issues from oral sex to masturbation. All of this is contextualized within a loving, mutually-submissive marriage. Since this book, the Penners have produced numerous others, as well as an impressive video series for churches and married couples' groups. Outstanding.
Celebration of Sex (Douglas Rosenau, 199?). Info: **** / Romance: *****
Sex therapist and Christian Doug Rosenau's book is perhaps the single best evangelical sex manual (a close race between he and the Penners' Gift of Sex). Rosenau focuses heavily on the marital relationship surrounding sexuality and romance, particularly focusing on communication skills and the differences between husband and wife. One begins by reading a sex manual and ends being equipped not only to make love in the bedroom but able to build love outside that room. Best illustrations of any Christian book so far, but still so conservative as to be humourous. Overall best recommendation.
...coming soon
The Kama Sutra: This loosely Hindu-based book offers up a plethora of sexual positions (many which would take a gymnast), but very little if anything that is romantic. We mention it due to its popularity, but in our frame of understanding, it simply fails to make sexuality human, or to connect it to love. The book also reflects a male-centric attitude toward sexuality, and at times advocates violence against the woman as supposedly being erotic. Sex, not love, is the goal.
Kosher Sex (1999, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach): A traditional but up-to-date Jewish perspective on sexuality that affirms family, marriage, and hot (er, "kosher") sex! Fascinating from a Christian point of view, and respectful toward Christ even as the author begs to differ on some points. A sample of one of the book's more fun portions: "Great sex has you screaming the diety and your mother's name during the act. Kosher sex has you remembering your lover's name after the act. Great sex has you focused entirely on the body of your partner. Kosher sex has you bound with the soul of your lover. Great sex promotes physical exhilaration. Kosher sex leads to spiritual integration."
The Snare (Lois Mowday) is a more downbeat book dealing with the widespread immorality and sexual sin among Christian leaders. She looks frankly at the problem and offers some thoughtful solutions regarding accountability and self-analysis.
Sexual Misconduct in Counseling and Ministry (1995, Peter Mosgofian and George Ohlschlager) deals with the horrific mess sexual misconduct in ministry can create. This is a no-nonsense guide with action in mind rather than abstract hand-wringing. Ten policies to prevent sexual abuse (both adult - adult and adult - child) are presented, along with case studies and thorough documentation regarding the sad depth and breadth of the problem of sexual misconduct. Recommended, especially for ministers and those to whom ministers are accountable.
Theological Works:...coming soon
Night Thoughts: Reflections of a Sex Therapist (1981, Avodah K. Offit, MD)
Here's the rare literary gem among sex manuals, therapy books, and so forth. Offit's internal ponderings are quietly fascinating, even when (as a Christian) one finds oneself in sharp disagreement with some of her conclusions. Her chapter on fantasy, for instance, draws my fervent agreement one moment and my dissapointed groan the next. Even her chapter on incest, while creepy in its attempts to be open-minded, nonetheless raises issues of right and wrong that only a Christian -- or a complete hedonist -- can truly answer. Offit, like so many good people, functions as a post christian in a post christian world. Her instincts are kind and gentle, even when her punchline is not. One could only wish a Christian sex therapist would have the emotional and literary depth of an Offit, informed by more than well-wishing and a patina of western morality's leftovers.